People Are Saying

• Robber: "Your money or your life."
• Divorce court: "Your money or your wife."
• Financial Planner: "Thanks for the memories."
• Donald J. Trump: "Thanks for the mammaries."

Freeman McEagle Is Ba-a-a-a-c-k!

America’s staunchest defender of liberty since Wonder Warthog, Freeman McEagle carries liberals high to his aerie* and tortures them with questions about the Constitution as part of his home school program.

Liberals who can provide satisfactory answers are returned to their safe space.

Liberals who cannot provide satisfactory answers are shared with the children.

Look for Mr. McEagle to join our staff in the next issue as contributing writer.

* Freeman notes that portly liberals like Jerry Nadler may require more than one eagle. But that’s not a problem since there will be plenty to go around.

The Free World: An Alarming Status Report

From The Gatestone Institute

Excerpt: "In the last few years, we have witnessed a world that has become significantly less safe and secure... power vacuums... have been exploited by hostile actors and resulted in increased instability..."

Your Editor: Significantly less safe? Humans have been warring for over 5,500 years of recorded history. We've gone from stones to spears to catapults to nuclear warheads. And with the same monkey minds in charge.​

If you want to be safe, you're on your own.

Or you could join RISE and we'll help you figure it out together.

Let’s hear what famed author, Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens), had to say about war.

Sam wrote the following scathing indictment of war in 1910 at the age of 70, a half-century after the end of The War Of Northern Aggression.

The War Prayer

"O Lord our Father, our young patriots, idols of our hearts, go forth to battle — be Thou near them!

“With them — in spirit — we also go forth from the sweet peace of our beloved firesides to smite the foe.

“O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead;

“Help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain;

“Help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire;

“Help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief;

“Help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it — for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet!

“We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.”

Tell, it Sam! 

THE DAILY SPAM

THE DAILY SPAM is not necessarily published daily, but that’s just to confuse the AI bots who trawl the Internet.

Published by Gordon Phillips from a secret trading bunker deep in verdant New Hampshire; where men are men, boys will be boys, and sheep are nervous.

Mr. Phillips regrets that he can accept no responsibility for content submitted by our staff of award-winning contributing writers.

• Cooter McButt

• Stubby Candles

• Freeman McEagle

• Dr. Philip G. Olson

• Dr. J. Darwin Godley

• Dr. Richard “Dick” Tater

We’ll be back with another issue just as soon as we can get Freeman to stop dive-bombing our neighbor’s BIDEN 2024 sign.

It appears that Freeman ate some bad burritos yesterday and is using today’s gastrointestinal byproducts as ammunition in his bombing runs.

What a character!

Maybe we could send him to visit those Trump trial judges?