GP Academy Letter 250826: Dad's Beyond Politically Incorrect Home School Exam

INSTRUCTIONS: Under our equitable scoring system, correct answers will be redistributed to you from intellectually over-advantaged test takers (the 1%) who seek to make the other 99% feel inadequate. Good news! Everyone passes and no one is left behind. Please see your instructor after the exam for your Participation Award. Pick up your pencils and begin.

#01: Cooter Beauregard attends a Louisiana gun show and barters Mercury dimes for a used .50 caliber scoped sniper rifle with a muzzle velocity of 3,050 feet per second.

Q: How many seconds will it take for Cooter to put a round through a corrupt cop's donut from a mile away, rounded to two decimal places?
Q: How many crooked politicians are willing to get within one mile of Cooter's last known location?

#02: Diebold electronic voting machines are programmed to deliver 51% of the presidential vote for Candidate A, and 49% for Candidate B. If 42,283,511 votes are cast, of which 9,221,567 votes are from dead people and 4,357,911 votes are from dead people who voted more than once...

Q: How many more votes will Candidate A receive than Candidate B, rounding to the nearest whole dead voter?
Q: What percentage of dead people voted only once?
Q: How dead do you have to be to vote twice?

#03: Lewanda Washington gets in the blinged-out Cadillac she and her unemployed neighbors bought for free by pooling their welfare payments, drives to the grocery store and buys $100 worth of donuts, Coca-Cola, Cheetos and barbecue ribs for herself and her six unwed children, using the EBT card issued to her by the Biden administration. Lewanda loves President Biden and is grateful that the many expensive medications prescribed by her Obamacare doctor for dangerously elevated blood pressure are also free.

Q: How many more months will it take until Lewanda's heart explodes?
Q: How many more years will it take until medical schools have to pay future doctors just to attend?

#04: Early American colonists fought a war to separate from a tyrannical British monarch who taxed them unjustly and sent spies among them to collect information he could use against them. Today's government taxes the American people unjustly and spies on them to collect information it can use against them.

Q: Which one of these things is not like the other?
Q: How high a note can Justin Bieber hit if he wears really tight Speedos?  

#05: The federal government can print all the money it could possibly need for every imaginable expense, from Social Security to research into the mating habits of the South American pygmy toad.

Q: Since the government can print all the money it needs, why does it tax anyone?
Q: There are no wrong answers and inflation is always a perfect 3% per year.

#06: In 1956 gasoline cost $.29 per gallon. Today a gallon of gasoline costs 10 times as much. A family van can travel 20 miles on a single gallon of gasoline. The gas tank when full holds 16 gallons. The dashboard gauge says the tank is 3/8ths full.

Q: How many seconds will it take for the gas pump to report to the Financial Crimes Enforcement Network (FinCEN) the name and credit card number under which the purchase was made?
Q: How many seconds will it take for the U.S. Military to know the exact location of the pump within a targeting accuracy of 3 feet?

#07: The federal government claims that the World Trade Center towers collapsed on September 11, 2001 due to steel beams and girders weakening from jet fuel fires. Steel begins to weaken at 2,500 degrees Fahrenheit. Jet fuel burns at 1,500 degrees Fahrenheit.

Q: How many minutes did it take until all the jet fuel was consumed and the towers finally collapsed of out sheer boredom?
Q: How do you think tall buildings over-engineered to withstand strikes by jumbo airliners feel about falling down?
Q: WTC Building 7, which was not hit by a plane, collapsed straight into its own footprint at 5:25PM on that same day. This isn't actually a question. We just thought we'd let you know.

#08: Progressive politician A gives speeches with an average length of 5 paragraphs and tells an average of 1 lie per paragraph. Progressive politician B gives speeches with an average length of 7 paragraphs and tells an average of 2 lies per paragraph.

Q: If Progressive Politician A makes 4 speeches per day for 5 days each week and delivers speeches for 20 weeks straight, how many whoppers will she tell?
Q: If Progressive Politician B makes 1 speech per day for 4 days each week, how many weeks will it take until he has told as many whoppers as Collectivist Politician A?

#09: The very first word to appear in the United States Constitution at Article 1, Section 1, Clause 1 is the word 'All', as in "All legislative Powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States, which shall consist of a Senate and House of Representatives."

Q: How much power to make law is granted to the President?
Q: How much power to make law is granted to the Supreme Court?
Q: How many Constitutions would have to be printed until no one read them?  

#10: The 5th Amendment to the United States Constitution protects citizens against being forced to testify against themselves in criminal tax trials. Tax forms signed under oath and submitted to the Internal Revenue Service are routinely used in criminal tax trials as incriminating evidence against the very citizens who filed them.

Q: If filing a tax return is called voluntary compliance, what would involuntary compliance look like?
Q: The 5th Amendment wasn't written in invisible ink, so why can’t lawyers and judges see it?
Q: How many licensed accountants and tax preparers can fit on the head of a pin?

#11: The federal government authorizes the Federal Reserve, a private for-profit corporation run by undisclosed foreign shareholders, to create our nation's money and loan it to us for our use, with interest due and owing on its creation. The government then taxes everyone to pay this private debt.

Q: How much more money will need to be borrowed into circulation until taxes consume 100% of the required interest payments?
Q: How many more years will home schools be allowed to exist until homeschoolers are branded as educational terrorists?

#12: The average sentence in George Washington's First Inaugural Address to Congress in 1789 contains 93 words. The average sentence in Barack Obama's First Inaugural Address to Congress in 2009 contains 13 words.

Q: How many more presidencies will it take until the average sentence in an Inaugural Address contains just 3 words?
Q: What form of government will we have then?

OK, pencils down and hands up where we can see them!

If we need any more information from you, you will be notified by Homeland Security. And always remember, war is peace.