Notes From Gordon 250114: The Superior Person's All-New 'Divergent Dictionary'

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Reading time: 685 words @ 238 wpm = 2 minutes, 52 seconds

TONE: super snarky yet mildly educational

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The Divergent Dictionary

The following is a work in progress. Please feel free to offer your own contributions!

Amurica (Uh-MUR-ih-ka) n. Formerly known as America during the period between July 4, 1776 and September 11, 2001. Currently populated by millions of Amuricans. "God Bless Amurica!" — George Bush, Jr.

Divergent (dye-VER-jent) n. A former Normal who located their personal back door to The Truman Show and exited Normality through a perceptual warp in the socio-cultural membrane.

Dollar (DOLL-ahr) n. A green paper coupon titled FEDERAL RESERVE NOTE bearing the likeness of past notables and manufactured by a private banking cartel, all of whose class A voting stockholders are dynastic European families as identified in a chart printed in the radioactive book, Secrets of The Federal Reserve, by the late, great patriot, Eustace Mullins (may he R.I.P.).

EduMart (ED-jyoo-mart) n. Any of thousands of architecturally ugly buildings across Amurica in which a cheap government education is dispensed to the masses while still in the early stages of their intellectual development, featuring informational roll-backs in every department (history, science, math, english) On sale this week: What a great guy Lincoln was.

Eudopia (yew-DOPE-ee-ah) n. The ultimate system of social control of the populace wherein:
1) Pubic education is top-down managed via 100% government controlled sources;
2) The government owns 100% of all property;
3) Voter turnout is 100% (or else);
4) Everyone is taxed at the 100% tax rate.
"First there was a republic, then came democracy, soon we will achieve Eudopia."

Morelock (MOHR-lok) n. A member of a secret, global cartel of elites who control everything by consuming the labor of taxpayers and never seem to get enough, hence the prefix "More." A word play on Morlock, the name given by author H.G. Wells in his novel The Time Machine to creatures who live underground and consume the hapless Eloi (today called liberals). Morelock temples in modern Amurica are cleverly disguised as bank ATMs.

Normal (NOR-mul) n. An American who votes, vaccinates himself and his family, vacations regularly at Disneyworld, thinks America is a democracy, eats corn dogs and pizza, watches the Superbowl and otherwise engages in behaviors favored by fellow Normals.

President (PREZ-ih-dent) n. The Stepford Candidate who receives the most popular votes from the Normals and serves as their leader for four years. Must be attractive, telegenic, able to lie with a straight face, owned by major corporations, easily able to be blackmailed and willing to lay down across railroad tracks for Israel.

School Bus (SKOOL-buss) n. A four-wheel internal combustion vehicle, typically painted yellow-orange in color, used to transport upwards of 60 young Amurican pre-taxpayers to and from the nearest area Edumart.

Taxpayer (TAX-payh-er) n. An Amurican who has not read the Internal Revenue Code.

TeleBeam (TEL-eh-beem) n. The field of visible light emanating from a modern, wide screen plasma television display. "Bruce sat transfixed on the sofa in the path of the Telebeam, obeying all subliminal messages and believing everything he was told."

TeleView (TEL-eh-vyew) verb. The act of sitting in the presence of the Telebeam, bathing in its soft, light-emitting rays.

Televoid (TEL-eh-voyd) n. The rectangular display space inside a modern TV screen wherein moving images entrain and hypnotize the vacuous mind. "Mary sat on the couch all evening, endlessly changing channels as she stared deeply into the televoid."

Teletubby (TEL-eh-tub-bee) n. A medically obese Amurican who performs more than 30 hours of televiewing a week. "Once a slim and energetic young woman, decades of passive televiewing had turned poor Beyonce into a total Teletubby."

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