Notes From Gordon 250126: Report to The High Council on Intergalactic Population Control (Part I)

ATTENTION SPAN NOTICE
Reading time: 600 words @ 238 wpm = 2 minutes, 31 seconds

TONE: Fun and quirky with a smidgen of sci-fi

NEW READER?
Subscribe here… forward to a friend!

Report to The High Council on Intergalactic Population Control (Part I)

The following report was prepared by Philgor P. Snoid, assistant to the Director of Small Planet Studies of The High Council on Intergalactic Population Control.

Objective: To conduct a feasibility study on the advisability of allowing humans to continue to exist.

Abstract: Your humble Director has spent several thousands of solar rotations on planet Earth conducting his research, during which time I have appeared to the humans variously as Plato, Archimedes, Leonardo da Vinci, Isaac Newton, Nikola Tesla and, more recently, George Carlin.

While waiting for the Council's final determination, I continue to compile data which I covertly obtain from the plasmascreens of audio-visual transmission devices on which the humans consume their choice of over 200 "channels" of pre-programmed information in the form of sales commercials surrounded by segments of news, entertainment and other amusements.

By remotely implanting quantum hyperphoton detectors between the pixels of these rudimentary viewing devices (which the humans call "televisions"), I am able to observe entire families of humans as they sit inert on their sofas each evening, bathed in the glowing light that emanates from their devices.

Unbeknownst to their users, hidden surreptitiously within these light-emitting beams is subliminal programming created by Earth's shadowy Overlords to co-opt the thought processes of televiewers until they think as their Overlords wish them to think, while simultaneously keeping them entertained.

It's an impressive piece of work, my Lords, which we might adopt in our present campaign to subvert the Trogons and bend them to our will.

Most humans are so addicted to their programming that they will spend more time staring at their televiewing devices each day than the sum total of all the time they spend meditating, communing with Nature, studying science and learning their history each day combined.

Hard to believe, Lord High Councilors, but I swear it is true.

Judging from the millions of vacuous expressions that can be seen, it will be noted in my final report to the High Council that humans uniformly undergo auto-hypnosis as a result of prolonged exposure to this programming and, as a result, will inevitably perform acts not in the best interest of their survival, including but not limited to the following:

• Paying tribute to their Overlords in the form of taxes.

• Consuming prescribed toxic substances in the name of "health care."

• Learning to dislike other members of their species simply for being different.

• Serving in warfare training programs where they learn how to kill other humans.

• Sending their offspring to local paradigm-processing centers called “public schools” to be groomed in their suitability to perform something called "9-5" for something called "money."

Little do the humans realize that if only they were to point their televiewing “remotes” at themselves while uttering the universal incantation, "I see what you mean!," cosmic awareness would flow into their meta-minds via wormholes in the galactic membrane, causing spiritual fulfillment and all-knowingness and erasing every trace of Numb, Sloth and Obey.

To date, as I will note in my final report, the High Council might consider how much longer humanity should be allowed to experiment with attempts to leave their planet using primitive launch devices called “rockets” and led by a being called Musk.

In part II tomorrow I will provide a list of Questions & Answers For The High Council.

Regards,

Philgor