Notes From Gordon 250128: A Money Message From The Matrix

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And you thought the Matrix was just a movie? The Matrix will speak to you now. Imagine the voice as a character from the TV show, The Sopranos.

A Money Message From The Matrix

“Hey, you there, in the mirror. I’m talkin’ to you.

“Let me set you straight on a few things about your money, OK?

“You think the money you earn is yours? Fat chance. You see, when you were born, heh, I put this sort of lien on your earnings. 100% of every dime you’ll ever earn belongs to me.

“But I'm a benevolent Matrix, OK? So I let you keep about half so can you feel like it's your own money. Isn’t that rich?

“I take a good chunk of your earnings in taxes that you don’t actually owe according to the Constitution, but screw that. Besides, it doesn't hurt too bad because I got my boys at Treasury to remove it from your paycheck each week before you even see it. We set that up back in 1943 when your grandparents weren't looking, and it's worked great ever since.

“Each time you eat at a restaurant or a drive-thru you pay me a little food and beverage tax. Pump some gas and you pay me the federal excise tax on motor fuel.

“Place a phone call or use cable TV and you pay me state and local taxes, just like when you use the Internet, thanks to my boy Al Gore who got me the Internet connectivity tax. And wasn't his movie great? Global warming, can you believe it? What a character!

“Everything you buy, from dental floss to SUVs, contains more hidden taxes, since the companies that manufacture those products pay corporate taxes which they pass along to you so you can pass them along to me. I always appreciate that.

“You think you own your own home? Can you spell feudalism? Ha, ha. Stop paying property tax and one of my sheriffs will take your house and sell it to the next guy so he can go into debt and start paying me the juice.

“Here's a biggie. I still can't believe I get away with this. When you die your estate pays me a nice, hefty tax on everything you leave behind, just because you're dead. So I've got you coming and going!

“Even I can't believe how well this whole thing works. The Mafia are chumps compared to me. All they do is break your legs over a small loan. Without me, you could have retired in your 30’s.

“You know, I really have to thank you for being born. I could never have trashed this republic and replaced it with an empire without you.

“Be sure to keep working and consuming as much as you can, OK? And if you could do me a big favor, try not to live too far past your 60th birthday. I’ve got to keep my benefits thing stretched out as long as possible.”

“Of course, when the day comes that I have to pull the plug on all of my welfare programs, and that may be soon, I can just start some new wars which have always been terrific for my economy.

“Yep, there's nothing like a good wartime economy to get the gears of industry rolling and putting everyone to work making jets, bombs and bullets!

“Well, that’s all for now. Don’t forget to file that 1040 this April 15th. I wouldn’t want to have to tack on interest and late fees… lol.

“Hey, when your alarm clock goes off tomorrow morning I hope you’ll be thinking of me, because I’ll be thinking of you. Ta, ta.”

[End of address by the Matrix]