Notes From Gordon 250204: Dad's Beyond Politically Incorrect Home School Exam

ATTENTION SPAN NOTICE!
Reading time: 723 words @ 238 wpm = 3 minutes, 2 seconds.

TONE: Refreshingly caustic with a sprinkling of irony.

NEW READER? Subscribe here… forward to a friend!

Dad's Beyond Politically Incorrect Home School Exam

The following fun questions are excerpted from Dad’s comprehensive “Politically Incorrect Home School Exam” that I administered to each of my three children upon attaining the age of 16 and being issued their own complimentary handgun for concealed carry at Chuck E. Cheese.

INSTRUCTIONS: Under our inclusive scoring system, everyone passes and no one is left behind. Please see your instructor after the exam for your Participation Award. Place your left hand on the Communist Manifesto, pick up your pencil and begin.

#01: The average sentence in George Washington's First Inaugural Address to Congress in 1789 contains 93 words. The average sentence in Barack Obama's First Inaugural Address to Congress in 2009 contains 13 words.

Q: How many more presidencies will it take until the average sentence in an Inaugural Address contains just 3 words?
Q: What form of government will we have then?

#02: A Diebold electronic voting machine is programmed to silently deliver 51% of the 42,283,511 presidential votes that are cast for Candidate A, and 49% for Candidate B.

Q: How many more votes will Candidate A receive than Candidate B, rounded to the nearest whole dead voter?
Q: How dead do you have to be to vote twice?

#03: Lewanda Washington gets in the blinged-out Cadillac that she and her three unemployed neighbors bought for free by pooling their welfare payments, drives to the 7-Eleven and buys $100 worth of Ring Dings, Cheetos and barbecue ribs using her EBT card. Lewanda is grateful that the many expensive medications prescribed by her Obamacare doctor for dangerously elevated blood pressure and cholesterol levels are also free.

Q: How many more months will it take until Lewanda's heart explodes?
Q: How many more years will it take until medical schools pay doctors just to attend?

#04: The federal government claims that the World Trade Center towers collapsed on September 11, 2001 due to steel beams and girders being weakened by jet fuel fires.

Q: How do you think tall buildings over-engineered to withstand strikes by jumbo airliners feel about falling down?
Q: WTC Building 7, which was not hit by a plane, collapsed straight into its own footprint as a result of obvious controlled demolition at 5:25PM on that same day. This isn't actually a question. I just thought we'd let you know.

#05: Progressive politician A gives speeches with an average length of 5 paragraphs and tells an average of 1 lie per paragraph. Progressive politician B gives speeches with an average length of 7 paragraphs and tells an average of 2 lies per paragraph.

Q: If Progressive Politician A makes 4 speeches per day for 5 days each week and delivers speeches for 20 weeks straight, how many whoppers will she tell?
Q: If Progressive Politician B makes 1 speech per day for 4 days each week, how many weeks will it take until he has told as many whoppers as Progressive Politician A?

#06: The very first word to appear in the entire United States Constitution at Article 1, Section 1, Clause 1 is the word “All,” as in: "All legislative Powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States…"

Q: What close to 100% is “All”?
Q: If All law making power is granted to the Congress, what percent is granted to the President?
Q: How many Constitutions would have to be printed until no one read them?

#7: The government has the constitutional authority to issue lawful money that is not created as debt and carries no interest payments. Instead the government authorizes the Federal Reserve, a private for-profit corporation, to create our nation's currency and loan it to us for our use, with interest owed on its creation. The government then taxes everyone to pay this private debt.

Q: How many more presidential debates will be needed to make sure this subject is never mentioned?
Q: How many years will it take until home schooling parents are branded as educational terrorists?

OK, pencils down and hands up where we can see them! If we need any more information, you will be notified by Homeland Security.