Notes From Gordon 250404: The Church Of The Hole-y D(o)nut, Part VII

The Dirty Atheist

Doc Godley was shopping at the local BigMart for some extra shotgun shells when he ran into and old fishing buddy, Lou, whom he hadn't seen in a long time.

Lou: "JD, is that really you?"

Doc: "Lou, is that really you?" 

The two laughed and embraced, recalling how they hadn't seen each other in quite a while… how a person may age, but somehow never really change.

Lou: "How come we don't see you at church no more?"

Lou was unaware that his old friend, JD, was now Dr. J. Darwin Godley, having been visited decades earlier by The Hole-y D(o)nut and commanded to go forth and bring Donutarianism to the masses.

Doc: "Well, Lou, let's just say that I've gone through a transformation when it comes to religious belief."

Lou: "You ain't gone all atheist on me, have you JD?"

Doc could see the fearful look in Lou's eyes as if the God of Abraham were about to open a fiery hole directly beneath him.

Doc: "Not at all, Lou. I still believe in God. I've just switched deities."

Lou: "What you talkin' 'bout, JD? How can an old boy like us just switch deities when there's only one?"

Doc: "Oh, I see, Lou. You're referring to the god of the Bible."

Lou: "You bet your ding-a-ling I am. He watches over me every minute and keeps me safe."

Doc: "I can see how you'd feel that way, Lou. I'll bet he kept you safe from that terrible tsunami that drowned all those poor people in south Asia back in 2005." 

Lou: "I wasn't anywhere near south Asia in 2005." 

Doc: "My point exactly."

Lou: "Huh? Wait a minute, you funnin' me, JD?"

Doc could see Lou's hand drifting slowly towards his sidearm. Open carry was allowed in these parts and Lou was packing heat.

Lou never had been too stable (just a few Bibles short of a full bookshelf), and Doc didn't want this to escalate or he'd have to call on His Hole-yness to instantly freeze time and allow him to calmly exit the area.

Doc: "Not funnin’ you at all, Lou. Let me put it to you this way. Do you believe in the god of the Buddhists?"

Lou: "No way. My pappy wasn't no Buddhist and I ain't neither."

Doc: "So then, would it be fair to say you're an atheist when it comes to believing in Buddhism?"

Lou: "Well, when you put it that way, I guess you could say so."

Doc: "How about Islam. Do you believe in their God?"

Lou: "No way. Ain't them the ones that fly planes into buildings?"

Doc: "Then you must be an atheist with respect to Islam, right?"

Lou: "I suspect so. Never thought about it that way."

Clearly, Lou hadn't thought about much lately, but Doc pressed on.

Doc: "How about Wiccanism, where they sit around naked in the moonlight, worshiping trees? Do you believe in their god?"

Lou: "Heck, no. Where you goin' with this, JD?" 

Doc: "Well, Lou, I was simply pointing out that you already are an atheist with respect to these gods, as well as to all the hundreds of other gods you don't believe in either, isn't that true?" 

Lou: "Well, sure, when you put it like that." 

Doc: "Then you and I are in complete agreement. I just go one god further."