Notes From Gordon 250405: The Church Of The Hole-y D(o)nut, Part VIII

Semi-Eternal Deity Bake-off

Who can resist a dish of delicious deism, a slice of succulent superstition or some rich, fudged scripture?

Yes, it's time for the Semi-Eternal Deity Bake-off, where lesser gods from every corner of the universe (doesn't really have corners) gather to show their wares.

For avid believers, the Bake-off offers an opportunity to sample some of the most delicious alternative religions this side of the Horsehead Nebula.

Plus, it's a great opportunity to raise much needed revenue and spread the good word throughout the multiverse.

This event's theme is "Dark Matter."

Contestants will be required to incorporate this motif into their baking, perhaps adding just enough dark matter to make up for any missing ingredients.

Top prize will include an all-expense paid Bacchanalia on Regulus (…like Vegas, what happens on Regulus, stays on Regulus).

The winner will receive a beautiful, brand new planet (beats a snow globe every time) to place on the shelf, the coffee table or anywhere heads will turn (or rotate).

Our last event saw planet Earth awarded as top prize to Yahweh who, we regret to report, abused it terribly.

Earth has since been given to Gaia. 

The runner up will be required to participate in a no-holds-barred cage match with the winner and permitted to slaughter all of the loser's devout parishioners.

So come join us!

A great time to be had by all, with everyone guaranteed to leave satisfied in their choice of consecrated confection.

ANNOUNCER
This is an equal opportunity event—gods of all sizes and descriptions are eligible.

Complies with all applicable Galactic laws and does not discriminate on the basis of species, temperament, appendages or eon (female deities need not reveal their actual age).

Special booster seats to be provided for Ireland's Little People.

As usual, one booth will be left empty for the God of Atheism.

Satan, bring your own lighter fluid.