Notes From Gordon 250408: The Church Of The Hole-y D(o)nut, Part XI

The Sum Of All Fears Religions

In the beginning there was Nothing, without time or space. A total absence of Anything at all. A big, fat void in which Nothing was all alone. And so very sad.

And so Nothing created Something to play with and did set into rotation The Hole-y D(o)nut—the great galactic orifice from which erupts all the energy that constitutes the 3D space we humans call "Universe."

Today His Hole-yness appears to us everywhere in constant reminder of His omnipresence: on steering wheels and wedding rings, on inner tubes and hula hoops, even as web pages load. And, yes, at fine donut establishments everywhere.

You've heard of the Rapture, when believers both living and dead are resurrected to meet Jesus, apparently in mid-air?

We Donutarians experience the "Rupture"—when the very fabric of space time is torn asunder, and cosmic consciousness itself is transcended in The Great (O)gasm.

And unlike adherents to those bronze age religions who "pass on" to God-knows-where when they die, we Donutarians rotate through the H(o)liest of Holes into an alternate Universe in which all fantasies are fulfilled... like honest government, sound money and unlimited cream-filled donuts… and you never get fat?

And while we would never be so crass as to suggest that our God is bigger than your God (size infinity matters)... that's the way it looks from here!

As mathematical proof, divide any number by the Sacred D(o)nut Number—zero—and what do you get?

Infinity! Which proves that there is no bigger religion than ours.

Yes, Donutarianism is the sum of all known religions combined, plus those yet to be invented—where Horus meets torus, and there's enough dough for everyone.

Thank you. We return you now to your regular epistemological programming.