The RISE Reader: Introducing C.O.O.L.

Mea Culpa!

Forgive me, dear ones, for… sniffle… I’m afraid that I… sob…HONK!… have failed you.

I thought it was a good idea to form RISE as a means of exposing forward thinking individuals to the reality that lies before us so that we might come together in mutual support.

But I erred.

What I actually accomplished was to scare the bejeezus out of everyone and cause many to distance themselves and huddle under their beds.

How I could I have been so foolish, so clueless, so naïve?

I should have realized that what was needed in order to bring us all together was the one, proven solution to existential anxiety throughout the ages… RELIGION!

I discussed the matter with a very close friend, Dr. Philip G. Olson, and to my utter surprise, although retired and with absolutely nothing else to do, Doc Olson agreed to take the extraordinary step of creating a brand new religion and is in process of writing a book to introduce to the world…

 The Church of Ordinary Love (COOL)

Doc asked if I would please write a preface, and of course I agreed. The following is a work in progress, and I share it with you now.

Preface

Let me begin by saying that I am deeply honored to have been asked to sit on the board of The Church of Ordinary Love.

Truly, honors like this come along but once in a lifetime.

And I would be honored to have you come join us, dear reader, and feel the love together!

And not just any love.

Certainly not the “genuflect and kiss my ring,” “hellfire and flames for you!,” over-the-top outpouring of unquestioning adulation that your narcissistic, Bronze Age gods demand.

No, indeed—I’m talkin’ just the regular, everyday kind of love that we all feel for each other.

OK, sure, maybe not all the time… but most of the time, right?

Yes friends, one humanity, all in this together. Regardless of age, race, religion, IQ, food preferences, odd personal habits or the ability to back into a parking space.

And where everyone is chill.

Where Conservatives accept Liberals for their low self-esteem, lack of information and propensity to pull everything down to its least common denominator.

Where Liberals accept Conservatives for their superior common sense, high standards and gracious tolerance of Liberals.

Where Christians can love Atheists, and Muslims can love Jews. Or at least pretend to—in a loving, caring way, of course.

Where it doesn’t matter how little or how much money you have, since we all pay the same price in the end (cremation is way cheaper).

Here is where we gather to ask the difficult questions. Are we alone in the Universe? Does God really love us? Or is this some kind of grand, party trick?

Why are we here? And while we’re on the subject—where, exactly, is here?

On a secular note, why do we pay taxes to a government that starts wars in places we can barely find on a map?… that bails out foreign nations, even as Americans struggle to pay the family bills?… that pays juicy retirement pensions to politicians while seniors struggle to live on Social Security?

What the heck is wrong with us? Are we in a trance?

And so we live out our lives in quiet desperation.

No! For that is what the Normals do. And we are not normal. Which is not to say that we are abnormal. We are far above normal. Extraordinary, actually.

For we are the Observers. We were born in this time and place to observe—to see over the rainbow, above the clouds, around the bend, under the radar, down the hatch, up the wazoo, through the fire and into the fray.

We are here to love everyone. Even the freaks, power trippers and psychopaths running our world. For they are people too. Or shape-shifting lizards. I’m not quite sure yet.

Yes, we are here to see the Show. And what a Show it’s turning out to be, as civilization crumbles all around us.

Which begs asking… what the heck happened? Did we miss a memo? Take a wrong turn somewhere?

Again, No! For there is no wrong, and there is no right. There is just Everything. And Everything just is. Just as we are here now. And there you go.

But what a huge task lies ahead of us. For this entire, smoking pile of cow patties that we call the modern world is about to implode in a social supernova that will make the American Revolution look like a feisty night out with the boys.

But take heart, dear ones. For one day soon civilization will RISE again. And it will take leaders to lead it. And not just any leaders, but educated leaders.

Leaders who understand their history. Leaders who can educate the masses and bring everyone together, in peace, harmony and quietly suppressed, loving tolerance for one another.

For we are all in this festering mess together, and we must make the best of it. And what greater weapon is there to wield against tyranny in all of its forms than ridicule and satire?

Yes, friends, we must lampoon the left, poke the politicians and bugger the bankers, all while striving to be as politically incorrect as possible at all times.

So let us light a candle and prey—on stupidity, greed, fraud and corruption. And that’s just at the local school board.

In closing, I want to thank Brother Olson for providing this marvelous opportunity for us all to come together in a sane, loving, and more than mildly anxious way as we cope with these turbulent and trying times.

Yes, the future will be difficult—but then it will be wonderful! All we have to do is tiptoe delicately through this mine field together, while holding hands and hugging each other.

Can you feel the love yet? I certainly can. And isn’t that COOL?

In the meantime, to each and every one of you I say—stock up, pucker up, and keep your toner dry.

The Right Reverend Gordon Phillips